All That's Left
by Moon's Tear
Summary: Bella finally gets what she’s been wanting for so long, but it’s so much more painful than she ever could have imagined. The Cullens watch as she’s changed into one of them with mixed reactions. Told in varying POVs. Spoilers for all three books.
1. Chapter 1

All That's Left

Bella finally gets what she's been wanting for so long, but it's so much more painful than she ever could have imagined. The Cullens watch as she's changed into one of them with mixed reactions. Told in varying POVs.

Disclaimer: Twilight and all related media belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am writing purely for enjoyment and am making no profit off of this venture.

Chapter 1

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_Bella's POV_

I paced nervously back and forth across the hardwood floor in Edward's bedroom, completely lost in thought. I felt bad for sending him away, but I needed to think without him there to distract me. I had already made up my mind about tonight being the night, but I found I was torn over the decision to have Edward be the one to seal my fate. I knew he was close by and guilt was beginning to consume my thoughts as I imagined how tortured he was feeling. I knew it hurt him at times like this to not be able to hear my thoughts, but at the same time I knew it would hurt him more if he could.

Sighing lightly, I walked slowly over to the wrought-iron bed that sat at the center of the room and sat down, putting my face in my hands. On the one hand, if I was going to spend the rest of eternity with Edward, I wanted him to be the one to bite me, to really make me his. On the other hand, if I wasn't the same, if I wasn't _Bella_ when all was said and done like I feared I wouldn't be, I didn't want Edward to be consumed by the guilt of what he'd done. I wouldn't blame him, I _couldn't_ blame him, not when this was something that I wanted so much, but I knew he would blame himself.

I sat up once again, wiping at my eyes to stop the tears before they could fall. My hands dropped into my lap and I stared at the ring on my left hand. I knew I was already Edward's forever, but not in the way that I wanted to be. I was his for _my_ forever as his wife. My forever was finite, though. My days were numbered. I wanted to be Edward's for the length of _his_ forever. I just didn't want him to feel responsible in the event that things didn't go quite as planned. I didn't want him to feel any regret for causing me the agony I knew was to come with the bite.

As tough as the decision was to make, I made it with the best of intentions. Another sigh escaped my lips as I stood, smoothing my hands over my shirt to dry my palms. I took a slow, shaky breath and moved towards the door, stepping out into the hall and heading downstairs to find Edward and Carlisle.

I made my way down the stairs, clinging to the banister so tightly that my knuckles were white. I wasn't afraid of the pain, I wasn't afraid of my fate. What I feared was Edward's reaction. I didn't want him to be mad; I couldn't take it if he was, though I could understand why he would be. I took my time heading towards Carlisle's study, knowing that was where Edward would be waiting for me. I was postponing the inevitable and was disappointed that it didn't do anything to temper the nervous tightening of my stomach at the thought of the conversation that would ensue.

I reached the main level and turned off to the left, heading off towards the hall that would lead to Carlisle's study. I kept my eyes focused on the floor, taking one measured step after the other. I tried to focus on the steps, to keep my mind off of the hurt I would undoubtedly cause Edward when I told him I'd decided to ask Carlisle to be the one to change me.

It seemed so paradoxical. After all, wasn't I the one who'd asked, no, who'd _begged_ Edward to change me? Didn't I go to great lengths to get him to agree? Didn't I give in and marry him so that it could be him that did the job? It definitely didn't seem right, but it was the decision I'd made and I wasn't about to change my mind.

I could see his denial even now. _No_, he'd say with that almost frighteningly insistent edge to his voice, _I want to do this, Bella. Nothing you can say can change that. I promised, and I won't go back on my word. Don't worry about me, Bella, what I feel doesn't matter, as long as you're happy._

This wasn't going to be easy.

I took a slow, deep breath and looked up, seeing that I'd reached Carlisle's study sooner than I'd expected. I wasn't sure I was ready to face Edward, but I reached for the doorknob anyway. My hand shook as I paused for a moment, taking just one more breath. I was just about to turn tail and head back up to the bedroom for a little while longer, to do some more preparing, when the doorknob turned and the door opened inward.

Edward's eyes were so warm and kind that my resolve almost crumbled right then and there. I had to fight the urge to step forward, wrap my arms around him and forget everything I'd thought out in the past hour or so. I took a step back away from him to help myself keep it together and avoided his gaze for a moment.

"I thought I smelled trouble," Edward said with a soft laugh.

I smiled wryly and still kept from looking directly at him. I could already tell he'd noticed something wasn't right. He had balled his hands into fists and straightened up like he always did when he got stressed. The questions were coming, and there was nothing I could do to avoid them. I could try to run, but I knew I'd never outrun him. I could try to hide but he'd had no trouble finding me. I figured it was best to just stay there and get it all over with.

"Bella?" He asked lightly. "What's wrong, honey?"

"I," my voice caught in my throat. "We need to talk."

I slowly lifted my head, meeting his eyes, seeing that they had darkened just a touch. His eyebrows had furrowed like they always did when he was concerned. I watched as he stepped forward and gently wrapped an arm around my waist. I shivered, anticipating the cold that always came with his touch but not expecting it to reach quite so deep. It was almost like my very heart and soul were being chilled.

I shakily wrapped my arm around Edward in return and stepped forward with him, heading into the study. I glanced around the room and noticed that Carlisle was at his desk. I met his gaze and it surprised me how much like Edward's it was. I could see the same concern there, the same desire to help, to soothe. I allowed myself to be led over to the couch at the far end of the room and settled down onto it. I continued to avoid Edward's gaze in hopes that I could either change my mind or find the strength I needed to break the news to him. Instead I focused on Carlisle, watching as he stood slowly from his desk and stepped around it, leaning against it just touch closer to us than he'd been before.

"Carlisle," Edward said quietly. "Could you give us a moment, please?"

"Of course," he replied with a nod, turning on his heel and heading for the door.

"No!" I blurted quickly. "Please. I-I need to talk to you both. It's about… tonight."

I was having a hard enough time telling them what it was I wanted to talk about, I didn't know how I could expect myself to tell them exactly what was on my mind. I looked between the two of them and they each met my gaze wearing the same concerned, confused expression. Carlisle nodded and moved to the door, closing it before turning back and coming to join me and Edward on the couch. I sat between the two of them, not sure which it would be easier to look at.

"Bella," Edward said softly, breaking the silence and startling me.

"Before I start, I want to ask you to hear me out," I said slowly. "I've made a decision, and I'm going to stick to it. I know my reasons might not make sense to you and I know they may seem like they're far from the truth, but just hear me out. It's our future we're talking about, our forever, and I want to do it right."

I glanced at Edward and Carlisle in turn, waiting for a nod of understanding and agreement from each of them before clearing my throat to speak once again.

"I was thinking about tonight, about Edward being the one to do it," I swallowed thickly. "To bite me."

The words were bitter and I almost choked on them, but I forced myself to go on. I turned to look at Edward, finding that meeting his eyes at that moment was one of the most difficult things I'd ever had to do.

"I love you," I began softly. "I want to spend forever with you, I want to be your equal in every way, but I can't live with myself knowing I'd forced you to be the one to change me. I don't want you to feel guilty about causing me so much pain, about taking away my life, my soul or whatever else it is you're worried about. I know you keep telling me that it'll be alright, that nothing would make you happier than making me happier, whatever that may entail, but I don't want to be happy if you can't be happy with me over the decisions I've made."

I paused for a moment, holding up a hand to keep Edward from speaking while I took a slow breath and steeled myself to go on. I turned to look at Carlisle instead and met his gaze, feeling the tiniest bit better as I saw the unspoken encouragement in his eyes. At least he wanted to hear me out.

"Carlisle," I said quietly. "If you're not opposed, I'd like for you to be the one to do it."

"Bella," Edward hissed swiftly, cutting Carlisle off.

"Please, Edward," I said almost inaudibly. "For once just let me have my way. I need for you to trust me on this one. I need you to support my decision. This is forever we're talking about. I couldn't live with myself if I let you do this. I've met all of your conditions to get this far, now all I ask is that you meet one of mine."

I could see that he wanted to argue as I met his gaze again, but at the same time I was sure there was something else there. Was it a flicker of relief? Whatever it was, I could see that what I'd said had worked. For once, I was going to get what I wanted, no questions asked. I was sure this wasn't the last I'd hear of it, but for the time being I'd managed to silence his oppositions.

I let a moment of silence to pass between us, to seal the deal, before letting out a stagnated breath, letting the relief wash over me. The nod that Edward gave me a split second later made the decision feel even more right. I flashed him a small, grateful smile and reached out to take one of his cold hands in mine, holding on as I looked back over to Carlisle.

"Please," I said softly. "I'd like nothing more than for you to be the one to do it. I trust you."

He nodded and reached out to take my other hand in his, giving my hand a gentle squeeze as he spoke.

"Of course," he replied warmly. "It would be my pleasure, Bella. I want you to be a part of this family and I'd like to be the one to bring you into it."

"Thank you," I replied, my voice thick with tears.

His words had truly touched me and I smiled, squeezing his hand back in a gesture of gratitude.

"You're welcome," he said with another nod. "Now I'll leave you two to talk. Come and find me when you're ready, Bella."

"I will," I replied.

With that, Carlisle let go of my hand and stood, heading swiftly out of the room and closing the door behind him. I stared at the closed door for a moment, sighing lightly before looking over at Edward once again. A shiver went through me as I met his gaze, not quite as warm and welcoming as it had been before but understanding at the same time. He was hurting and I felt terrible for being the one to hurt him, but it was the best decision in the end.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I know this is hard for you to accept and I know you probably want nothing more than to argue with me until you get your way, but this is how I need to do this. Please understand."

"I do," Edward replied softly. "As crazy and backwards as some of your assumptions must have been in order for you to reach the conclusions you did and make the decision you did, it's _your_ decision and I respect that. I just want you to be happy and now that you've made me happy by giving me your hand in marriage, I'm willing to make this sacrifice so that you don't have to spend the rest of your life, however long it may be, wondering what it would be like not to have to regret my being the one to change you."

"Thank you," I whispered.

I leaned in and wrapped my arms around him, pressing my face into the crook of his neck, allowing the chill radiating off of his body to soothe me. I relaxed a fraction as his arms wrapped around my body, pulling me into his lap and holding me against the hard plane of his chest. I stayed there for a while, I didn't know quite how long, and allowed myself to enjoy the contrast between us in our embrace for what would be one of the very last times. Once I was a vampire, things were going to be a lot different, at least physically, and I wanted to enjoy these moments; to remember them.

Sighing softly, I slowly leaned away from Edward's body, meeting his eyes with a teary smile. My heart was racing and I was terrified at what would come in just a short little while. I tried to convince myself that the hardest was behind me: saying my goodbyes, giving up my friends and family, leaving behind all of the reminders of my mortal life. Leaving _Jacob_ behind. Even with all of that to think about, I couldn't get over the thought of the pain.

I looked down at the palm of my hand, lightly tracing the cool, stony, crescent-shaped scar that had marred my palm ever since James had bitten me. I remembered the agony that had burned through my flesh, down to the very core of the bones in my arm as the venom made its way through my bloodstream. That had been enough pain to last me a lifetime, and yet I was about to subject myself to three days worth of the very same brand of agony, only this time it would be ringing throughout my entire body.

The two of us sat in a comfortable silence for a few more minutes and I allowed myself to enjoy the moment. In a few short days we would have an eternity to spend enjoying each other's company, but this was the last chance I had to sit back and feel the breath truly entering and leaving my body, to feel my heart beating in my chest.

A few minutes later, as much as I wished we could stay locked in the moment forever, I sighed softly and decided the silence needed breaking. The day was growing darker and I figured it was as good a time as any to get it done. Looking up I met Edward's gaze and bit my lip lightly, feeling the cold ball of fear beginning to build exponentially in the pit of my stomach.

"Let's do this," I said softly.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Edward asked gently.

I nodded.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I replied.

He nodded back and stood up, still holding onto one of my hands. I stood with him and leaned in a little closer, resting my head on his shoulder. I sighed contently as he pulled his hand away and wrapped his arm around my waist instead, keeping me close as he took a step towards the door.

Together we walked down the hallway, heading back the way I'd come earlier. I found myself staring at the floor once again, trying to focus on anything but how nervous I was. I didn't even realize how far we'd gone when we reached Edward's bedroom and he was sitting me down on the bed. I looked over at the window wall, looking past the glass and at the canopy of the woods behind the house. The night was clear, for once, and I could see the moon. I smiled weakly and hoped it was a sign that my transition into immortality would be a fairly easy one.

I let out a long, nervous breath and met Edward's gaze, reaching over to where he sat beside me to take his hands in mine. I was ready, or at least I was trying to convince myself that I was. At the same time, however, something didn't feel right. I swallowed thickly and glanced around, taking in the soft gold tones of the bedspread, figuring out right away that I didn't want to do this here. I didn't want to be in this bed while I was changed. I didn't know if I could handle the memories that it was sure to bring back after it was done. I wanted our bed to be a safe place, a comfortable place, a place tied to only the best memories.

I could tell that Edward could sense my reluctance. I could read it in his gaze. I spoke swiftly, wanting to avoid the question. Hearing him ask what was wrong would only serve to make it an even bigger deal.

"I can't do this," I said quietly. "Not here. I _do_ want to do this, I _need_ to do this, but not in our bed."

"Then we'll do it in Carlisle and Esme's room," Edward said softly, reaching up to cup my cheek, gently stroking my cheekbone with his thumb. "They won't be opposed."

I nodded, grateful that he'd understood.

"Well, let's go then," I said, the nervousness making my voice shaky.

I watched Edward, waiting for him to move, to encourage me to move, to reassure me that this was the right thing to do. Instead, he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine in a soft, soothing kiss. The love I felt in the kiss was enough to do all of that and I found myself smiling as I pulled away, swiftly getting to my feet and tugging Edward's hand so he'd follow.

I headed down the hall towards the staircase, feeling more sure of what I was about to have Carlisle do than ever, though with that thought came another one. Where _was_ Carlisle? I stopped so swiftly that Edward bumped into me and reached out to steady me, resting his hands on my hips.

"Bella?" He asked, meeting my gaze.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked.

"He's in the study," Edward replied.

"And Esme?" I prodded further.

"She's in the bedroom," he said pointedly.

"Can you get Carlisle and tell him I'm ready?" I queried lightly. "I want to talk to Esme for just a minute."

"Of course," Edward said with a nod. "We'll be right up."

"Thanks," I said gratefully.

I watched as he made his way down the stairs and waited until he was out of sight until I continued on down the hall toward Carlisle and Esme's room. I paused outside the door, resting one hand on the doorknob and bringing my other hand up to knock lightly. I only had to wait a moment before Esme's soft voice beckoned me inside.

Turning the doorknob I pushed the door open and stepped into the bedroom. It was obviously the master suite; spacious, bright, inviting. I glanced around, wondering where Esme was and jumped a little as I heard a footstep off to my left. Turning my head, I noticed her stepping out from behind a dressing screen, smiling softly.

"Bella," she said warmly. "What a surprise. What can I do for you?"

"I just wanted to see you for a moment," I replied. "Edward's going to get Carlisle. We're going to do it right away. I didn't want to do it in our room and Edward said you wouldn't mind if we used this one…"

"Of course we don't mind," she said reassuringly. "But that's not what you wanted to talk about, is it?"

I felt comforted by her matronly manner once again. I watched as she moved to sit on the bed and gestured me closer. Closing the door behind me, I stepped forward and walked to the bed, coming to sit next to Esme. I relaxed a little as she put her arm around me and pulled me closer, embracing me like I were her own daughter.

"What's on your mind, dear?" Esme murmured.

I pulled back just enough to be able to meet her gaze. My expression was serious as I cleared my throat and spoke.

"I know I can trust Carlisle, and I do," I began, "but if anything happens, for whatever reason, I need you to tell Edward that I'm so glad we tried. Tell him that I want him to be happy and I want him to move on. I know it's going to be hard. Even if it hurts half as much as it hurt me when he left me last year, it's going to be unbearable, but he has you and he has the rest of the family. You've got to help him through it. He's already told me that if anything happened to me, he wouldn't out-live me by long. You have to promise me you'll take care of him if I don't survive to do it myself."

"Oh, Bella," Esme said quietly. "You have absolutely _nothing_ to worry about. Carlisle has done this so many times that you are in no danger whatsoever. That being said, I know you still have doubts and because of that, I promise you that I will tell Edward every word and that I will watch over him for you in the unlikely event that something goes wrong. You have my word."

Tears stung at my eyes and I reached up to wipe them away. I smiled a broken, teary smile and felt the fear welling up again, pushing my relief at Esme's promise to the back of my mind.

I was distracted at that moment as the door to the bedroom opened and Carlisle stepped inside with Edward. They closed the door behind themselves and approached us with identical soft but serious expressions. I tried to firm up my smile a little and moved away from Esme a bit more, watching her as she stood and stepped back a little, allowing Edward to take her place at my side. I reached out to take his hand automatically and held on tightly, my heart beginning to race as the seconds ticked by.

Carlisle came to kneel before me, coming down to my level and meeting my gaze. He reached out to put a gentle hand on my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Are you ready?" He asked softly.

"Yes," I said nervously. "Let's do this."

Carlisle gave a single nod and stood up once again, motioning to the bed.

"Alright Bella," he instructed. "Lie back."

I took a deep, shaky breath and turned to look at Edward, meeting his gaze as I let go of his hand. I held it for a long moment and blinked away a few frightened tears before shifting a little bit and moving onto the center of the bed, lying back against the silken fabric, trying to get as comfortable as possible in hopes that it would balance out the discomfort that was sure to come.

Once I was lying back comfortably, I looked over at Edward and took his hand once again, keeping a firm hold on it. Whatever happened, I wanted to be holding on to him when it did. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to relax, trying to slow the frantic racing of my heart which I knew would be just as apparent to everyone else in the room as it was to me, and reveled one last time in the feeling of it beating in my chest.

I opened my eyes again and looked over at Carlisle, giving him an almost imperceptible nod to encourage him to go on. I kept my eyes focused on him as he came around to the opposite side of the bed and knelt at my side, looking down at me reassuringly. I gripped Edward's hand just a little bit more tightly as Carlisle reached out, brushing my hair back away from my face and neck. His touch made me shiver but I welcomed it, knowing my touch would soon be similarly cool and stony.

As he leaned in over me I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the moment when his teeth pierced my flesh, starting the irreversible process of my becoming a vampire. I couldn't help but smile wryly at the thought of how the word still made me uncomfortable, even though I would soon be one of them. At that moment, Carlisle's voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"Just relax, Bella," he said softly.

I felt his hands come to rest firmly, almost painfully on my shoulders, undoubtedly holding me down so I didn't snap up from the pain when he bit me. I shut my eyes tightly and squeezed Edward's hand as hard as I possibly could, gritting my teeth and trying my best to do as Carlisle had asked but finding it extremely difficult.

I felt his cool breath on my neck just a split second before I felt the white hot agony of his teeth sinking into my skin. A moan escaped my lips but the pain was receding almost as quickly as it had come on and I felt no urge to scream. I could feel my heart beginning to race just a little bit faster and I could feel the warmth and wetness as the blood from the wound trickled down my neck and matted the hair beneath it, but there wasn't much pain.

The blissful numbness didn't last long, though. Within seconds I felt warmth spreading through my neck and my chest, out to the rest of my body and seconds after that it was turning to searing agony; the same agony I'd felt in my hand the day James had bit me. I tossed my head and felt Carlisle's grip on my shoulders ease up just a little bit, allowing me to lash out and express just how much pain I was in.

The scream that tore from my throat was shrill and desperate. It felt like it was echoing all around me and every time it began to die down the least bit, it came back twice as loud and vicious as before, deafening me and making me want to scream louder still. It was all I could do to express how much I was hurting. I tossed my head back and forth and writhed on the bed, squeezing Edward's hand and balling my other fist in the sheets. Nothing made the urge to scream go away, though. Nothing made it better.

I sobbed, tears flowing down my cheeks, and screamed until I was sure I couldn't scream any more and then continued to scream. The night wore on, began turning to day and still I screamed. I never thought it was going to end. I couldn't stop it. I just continued to scream as my heart counted down to the end, as my body cooled and my skin paled. I was changing.

Even with every scream, as loud as it was, in the distance I could hear a wolf's howl. For every one of my screams, he was screaming too.

And so it continued as the sun began to peek over the mountains to the East, lighting the way to a new day and a new beginning while I kept on screaming an ending.

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A.N.: Well, that's that. The first chapter of my first ever Twilight series fic. I'm not sure about the characterization or a few of the other things, but overall it's turning out just like I wanted it to. Let me know what you think! 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Edward's POV_

I couldn't believe how brave she was. My Bella, suffering the kind of pain that few in the world could even so much as fathom, still and silent. I could see that she was tired. She'd given up kicking and screaming, she almost looked like she was sleeping. Even under the thin sheen of perspiration clinging to her skin and the clench of her jaw against the agony, she looked peaceful; like she was sleeping rather than unconscious.

Watching her as the hours wore on through the first night and the first day, I saw the pain wax and wane. We were never alone, of course. Carlisle sat by on Bella's opposite side, monitoring her throughout the change. Every so often he'd press his fingertips to her neck, feeling to see whether she still had a pulse, whether her heart was beating or whether the change was complete. When I grew concerned about her condition, about why she was unconscious when I could remember every waking moment of my change, he reassured me that it was a defense mechanism, that Bella's body was just protecting itself against the pain. Esme was with us, too. She hovered constantly nearby and I could hear her thoughts as clear as day as the inner struggle over who to fret over more, me or Bella, continued.

No one else had dared to enter the room yet, though they all took turns waiting just beyond the door, wondering whether or not to come in. Alice had decided to put off her visit for a later time. Emmett was hurting for Bella, I could feel it almost as clearly as I could feel my own heartache, but he would come by in his own time. The others, however, would be a bit more hard pressed to stop in to see how Bella was doing.

I understood the sentiment on their parts, though. Rosalie was hovering just outside the door. Her thoughts were so loud they almost overpowered my own. She prayed that Bella wouldn't resent her for voting against everyone else, even though the decision was months behind us. At the same time, she was frightened. I remember the day Carlisle first brought Rosalie home to us. I remember how she'd suffered the same pain Bella was in against her will, and I could understand how someone choosing to go through that could dampen her spirits. It couldn't have made much sense to Rosalie.

And then of course there was Jasper. He and Rosalie took turns hesitating just beyond the door to the bedroom. Much like I did with Rosalie, I understood Jasper's reluctance. The scent of Bella's sweet blood hung in the room like a heavy curtain, obscuring everything else, sharpening my instinct to draw the remaining blood from her body to feed and dulling the rest of my senses. It was difficult to resist, even I could admit as much, but Bella needed me and nothing could keep me away. The scent was so delicious that even Esme had to will herself not to breathe it in. Carlisle suffered no such difficulty. As stoic as ever, he sat by Bella's side, keeping the both of us company, and cared for her as though she was his own.

I sighed and looked down at where my hand was tangled with Bella's. I lightly brushed my thumb over the back of her hand, hoping she could find some comfort in the gesture. I brought my gaze up to her face and noticed that her eyes were open. Pain clouded them as she glanced around and I longed to know what she was thinking. Instead, I detached myself from the frustration of not knowing and leaned in closer, bringing my hand up to cup her cheek so she would focus on me.

"Bella," I said softly. "How are you doing, sweetheart?"

I watched as she slowly licked her lips and swallowed thickly, undoubtedly trying to clear the cobwebs that had collected as she'd lain there unconscious.

"It hurts," she whispered hoarsely. "A lot."

"I know it does," I sympathized. "But you're doing so well. Just another day and a half. After that you never have to worry about anything hurting you again. In the meantime just try to get some rest."

She nodded once, weakly, and I could see that she was fighting to keep her eyes open as the darkness beckoned to her again. I could remember the blissful feeling that made itself known when I gave in to the darkness when I was being changed. It was so seductive, so tempting that I knew Bella would find it impossible to resist sooner or later and would give in. It would be best for her if she did; at least she wouldn't feel the pain.

"Don't leave me, Edward," she pleaded weakly.

"I'm not going anywhere," I promised her. "I'll be right here when you wake up again. You're in good hands."

I glanced up at Carlisle for a moment only to notice that he was studying Bella intently. I examined his face for any traces of worry or uncertainty, and was thankful when all I found was blessed satisfaction. Everything would be alright.

I looked down at Bella once again and saw that she was looking up at Carlisle as well, though with a far away look on her face. I leaned in and pressed a soft, reassuring kiss to her forehead, feeling her relax a fraction as I did so. The relaxation quickly became more evident and I knew without looking at her that she'd fallen unconscious once again.

It was just a little bit easier to see her going through the change of her life when she was unconscious. Her features weren't marred by the agony of the waking world and she wasn't crying out. It broke my heart to know that all of that was still in store for her when she woke up again, but for the time being I could handle things.

"Are you having second thoughts about all of this?" Carlisle asked softly, his voice startling me out of my reverie.

"Of course not," I replied, irritated at the fact that he could so much as think of something like that.

At the same time, his words did ring true, at least a little bit. Maybe what I was having weren't exactly second thoughts, but there were doubts in my mind. I hadn't had enough time to figure everything out. I hadn't had enough time to think before Bella's mind was made up about making the change. In my defense, I had asked her several times to wait a year, maybe two, but she refused.

A part of me was glad she'd changed her mind at the last minute about my being the one to change her, though. At least if something went wrong, I wouldn't suffer that heartache on top of the guilt of having been the one to make her want to change in the first place. It sounded selfish, I knew that, but it was the truth. Besides, if I wasn't feeling guilty, there would be no reason for Bella to be upset. It was her worrying about my feeling guilty over biting her that had driven her to ask Carlisle at the last minute anyway.

"Edward, dear, why don't you go out and get some fresh air," Esme suggested this time.

I shook my head swiftly. It was painful to watch Bella as she was unconsciously transformed but it would be unbearable to leave her side for even a moment and have to wonder what she was going through. I didn't want her to wake up and feel as though I'd abandoned her in such a time of need.

I moved to lie down next to Bella, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her closer. I held her near and felt the change immediately. Before the bite she'd been so soft, so warm, so breakable. Now she was so much different. Not quite cold marble yet, but nowhere near as human as before. She was somewhere in between, lost in the space that separated the living from the undead.

I hadn't realized how much I had learned to control myself until that moment. When Bella had been human I'd had to work so hard to remember to be gentle so I didn't break her when I touched her face, held her in my arms, kissed her. Now it didn't matter anymore. Bella could take anything I could give and she wouldn't shatter. Still, I resolved to be gentle, to treat her as though she were made of porcelain. Even if she wasn't human anymore, she was still my Bella and she deserved to be treated with the same tenderness as any other girl.

I glanced down at Bella as she moaned softly and stirred in my arms, shifting a little so that she was even closer to me. I tipped my head down just the smallest bit and pressed my lips to her cool, hardening forehead. Her skin was becoming like glass and I realized how alien the sensation was to me. Before Bella I'd never kissed another girl, human or otherwise. I hadn't known what to expect when I kissed her for the first time in her new state, and now I knew that it was going to be so much different than it had been before. Not unpleasant, just unfamiliar. It would take some getting used to for the both of us, I was sure.

With a light sigh, I glanced at the clock on the wall adjacent to the bed. Time was of no consequence to me, but to Bella the minutes must have seemed unbearable and I was keeping track of just how many more she would have to suffer through. She was past the half way mark, but it was still too far from the end of the ordeal to reassure her that it was going to be okay. Instead, I allowed her to suffer in silence, suffering alongside her.

I paused for a moment and closed my eyes, trying to filter through the melee of voices in my head. It was a strange, unfamiliar and almost frightening moment when I realized that the only voice there was my own. I couldn't hear Carlisle's thoughts, though he was mere inches away from us. I couldn't hear Esme's thoughts, though she was sitting in the opposite corner of the room. The rest of the house was silent as well. I furrowed my eyebrows; something wasn't right.

I didn't know whether I was simply too wrapped up in Bella's ordeal to acknowledge the outside thoughts, or whether no one was thinking of anything at the moment, but either way it unnerved me. I'd grown so used to the voices that not having to block them out seemed unnatural.

When I realized what I was thinking about, I reigned in my straying thoughts. I wasn't what was important at that moment. The important thing was Bella. I had to focus; I had to stay sharp so that I didn't miss a beat. I couldn't let her down. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I hadn't given her all of my attention while she was undergoing the change; all of the attention she needed.

I glanced over for a moment as Carlisle moved nearer once again, checking Bella for signs that the transformation was progressing. She didn't respond to his touch at all as he pressed a palm to her forehead, looking unconcerned at her still relatively warm temperature, nor did she respond as he checked her pulse at the neck once again, undoubtedly still feeling it there. I could still hear her heartbeat; she was still human, still my very breakable Bella.

Even with the pain that marred her still features, she was incomparably beautiful. It was hard to imagine she would become even more flawless after the transformation. I honestly didn't know what to expect. I wasn't worried, though. Whatever it was that happened, however difficult it would be to get used to at first, I was ready for anything. I was willing to give anything and everything for my Bella.

I sighed softly and ran my free hand through my hair, hearing the clock in the hall chime another hour. Bella was closer to the end than the beginning of her change now. It wouldn't be much longer.

I ran my fingertips gently over her cooling lips and longed for the moment when they would be full of life again, even if it was a different kind of life. I leaned in and kissed her softly, watching and waiting for her to open her eyes like sleeping beauty, but to no avail.

The clock finished it's chiming, the eighth note ringing out through the air and hanging in the silence between me and Bella. I held her in my arms, carrying her into the night as she fought to hold on.

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A.N.: Hey there guys! Sorry it took me so long to update, life got crazy, new job and all. I know it's shorter, but the first one was a lot longer than I'd intended, so this kind of balances it out. I promise I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. In the meantime, tell me what you think! Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter 


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